2023-10-18

Halloween 2023: Day 26

The Mummy (2017)

After briefly detouring to find out just how bad the 1940s Universal series got, we’ve arrived at the intended destination of this endeavour: the film that was going to usher in a glorious interconnected film universe filled with classic horror villains. I have thoughts about this film.

  • The main character is supposed to be a lovable asshole à la Dirk Pitt in 2005’s Sahara (complete with put-upon comic relief sidekick) but they forgot to include the lovable part.

  • Set isn’t the god of death.

  • Tom Cruise was in his mid fifties at the time of shooting, which is part of why the character’s not convincing as a charming young scamp.

  • The discovery of Ahmanet’s tomb and story would have been a lot more suspenseful and interesting if it hadn’t been preceded by Russell Crowe telling us all about Ahmanet’s story and burial.

  • Set isn’t the god of death.

  • Prodigium might be the worst name for a secret society of monster hunters I’ve ever heard.

  • Have I mentioned that Set isn’t the god of death? Well, despite what Dr. Jekyll says he also isn’t Satan.

  • Okay, Set (the god of, among other things, deserts) giving you control over glass is actually pretty cool.

  • Well, I guess we have to talk about that ending and how it completely destroys the character arc for our scoundrel with a heart of gold. We’re told over and over that his flaw is selfishness and are shown some small examples of him being less selfish, and then he’s given the opportunity to either A) prevent a great evil from entering the world but suffer personal emotional pain, or B) summon a great evil into the world and gain the power to undo his personal losses. In a thematically consistent film he would choose A to demonstrate personal growth, but this is the start of a franchise so we need the choice that makes him a tortured superhero. The film thus pretends that bringing the woman he loves back to life is the selfless choice, because he’s sacrificed his ability to live a normal life without rad superpowers.

  • SET ISN’T THE GOD OF DEATH.

It’s just bad.

Heartbeat (2023) S01E09-10

In which our protagonists throw a party.